


Little Secrets

by tbazzsnow (Artescapri)



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Fake Dating, LARPing, LARPing AU, M/M, Penny is so done, Simon gets caught in a lie and Baz steps in, This is crack, University AU, fake exes, gratuitous Castlevania references, non-magic au, prompt AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:33:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23843059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Artescapri/pseuds/tbazzsnow
Summary: Simon joins a LARPing club and meets Baz there. Penny knows nothing about it and attempt to introduce them, since she's friends with Baz. In an effort to get out of telling her about the LARPing Simon gets himself in far more of a situation with the story he concocts. Baz decides to role play along with him."I scowl at him. Only one of us needs to be fabricating this tale and that someone is me."
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Penelope Bunce & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 34
Kudos: 183





	Little Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> From a tumblr prompt list by @mraculous and sent to the Carry On fandom by @nightimedreamersworld: ‘a mutual friend tried to introduce us, but we already knew each other from LARPing but we’re both too embarrassed to admit that so I jokingly said we used to date and oh god now our friend won’t stop interrogating us about it’ AU

**Simon**

“Do you want to come over Friday? I can order in curry and I’ll even watch that Netflix thing you’re obsessed with, if you like,” Penny says, before taking another bite of her sandwich. I’ve already finished mine but I take the chance to steal one of her crisps. She never finishes them. I hate seeing them go to waste. 

No one should ever bin salt and vinegar crisps. It’s a crime against humanity. 

It’s been harder to coordinate our schedules this term. Even meeting for lunch is a treat. We’ve not had a night in for weeks. It’s not as easy, now that we don’t live together. 

And it’s not often that Penny offers to let me decide what we watch. Says she’s got standards and I watch too much “brain numbing rot.” 

_Castlevania_ is not rot. It’s fucking brilliant. My costume for this campaign is based on Trevor Belmont. It’s wicked good. 

I’m gutted to have to turn her down though. Friday’s going to have to be a no. We’ve been gearing up for this campaign for weeks and I can’t miss it. 

“I’m sorry. I can’t Friday.” 

Penny looks at me over the top of her glasses. “Why not?”

She doesn’t know about this. About the LARP club I joined. It’s something I started doing over the summer, when she was away in India with her family. 

I was bored. And lonely. 

I don’t know why I haven’t mentioned it. It’s not that I’m embarrassed about it. I’m not. It’s a hell of a lot of fun swinging a sword around and taking part in campaigns. Even the costume workshops are entertaining. 

Everyone’s so friendly. Well, most of them are, at any rate. 

Penny tends to frown upon things like this. Things that don’t serve a purpose. Making new friends doesn’t count as _serving a purpose_. She’s told me more than once that having too many friends is an unnecessary burden. _“There’s only so many hours in a day, Simon. Two, three people, that’s all any of us have time for.”_

That’s all Penny has time for. I’m lucky to be one of her three people. 

Telling her I’m spending two nights a week LARPing with near strangers while dressed as a medieval monster hunter likely won’t go over too well. 

Especially as that amounts to two nights a week I’m not doing my coursework or revising. Sacrilege. 

“Uh. I’ve got . . . uh, there’s a study group.” 

“On a Friday night?” Her eyes widen. 

“Yes.” The shorter the answer the better with Penny. I can’t get caught in a lie if I’m barely saying anything. 

“For which class?” 

Fuck it all. I can feel my leg starting to jiggle. She’ll know the gig is up if I don’t answer soon. 

“Medieval Literature.” Thank fuck I’m actually taking that class this semester or she’d be onto me. 

It’s not that far off, anyway. Most of the costumes qualify as _Medieval_. 

“Dedicated lot.” 

“Quite.”

“It’s good to see you being so devoted to your studies, Simon, what with applications for graduate programs coming up.”

As if I needed the reminder. 

“Maybe we can try to find some time next week, then.”

“That’d be great.” I reach out to steal another crisp. She smacks my hand away. “I do miss you, Pen.” 

Penny pushes the bag of crisps over to me with a sigh, but she’s smiling. “I miss you too, Si.”

It’s not until the next week that we manage to make plans. And it’s not for curry and Netflix. 

We’re at Foyles, having spent the last hour listening to one of Penny’s favorite poets do a reading and a Q & A. Penny’s dead gone for Nikita Gill. I thought it was mostly because she’s a femininst and Indian but I see the point, now that I’ve heard her read from her latest book. She’s brilliant. 

Penny’s in line to get her book signed and I’m just sort of shuffling along with her, feeling like a bit of a tit, seeing as I’ve not got a book myself. 

Should I? I feel I ought to at least have something, but it’s too late now, we’re almost to the signing table. 

Predictably, Penny gets into an intense conversation with the author while I stand there, shifting from foot to foot uncomfortably and nodding every so often. The store clerk finally gets Penny to shove off. She drags it out for another minute and then we’re finally clear of that scene. 

I’m ready to head to the pub for a bite, but Penny stops down the line to talk to someone from her seminar and I’m left at loose ends again. It’s mostly uni types in the crowd, nearly all of them intense and bright-eyed as they talk over each other now and indulge in some excitable hand waving. There’re a few blokes here and there, moody looking types with man-buns, horn rimmed glasses, and oversized jumpers. I recognize one or two from my classes but no one I know well. 

Penny stops to talk to another person and I’m in despair over dinner. I wander over to a book display and idly flip through some paperbacks as I wait for her. Thankfully it’s not more than a few minutes later when I hear her call out to me. “Simon!” 

I trot over, more than ready to make a run for the pub but her first words aren’t _“let’s get out of here.”_

“Si, I want you to meet my friend.” 

Oh, fuck. We’re never going to get to the pub at this rate. I plaster a smile on my face and turn to say _‘_ hello’ to whoever it is Penny is bound and determined to have me meet. 

And I freeze.

“This is Baz. He’s in my Modern British Poets seminar and he’s almost as keen about vampire lore as you are.” 

I raise my eyes and meet Baz’s cool stare, that one eyebrow of his arched as he meets my gaze. 

Fuck. I don’t need to be introduced to Baz. _I know Baz._ He’s the Mage in our campaign. He’s a fucking ruthless one too, dead brill with his spells, even though he’s a bit shit when he’s got to do any swordwork. 

That was my main job on the summer campaign--give him cover so he could cast his spells and decipher his runes and whatever else it is that Mages do. 

I’m front line offense now--cut down anyone in my path, long before they can get near the rest of our party. It’s up to Gareth and Niall to have Baz’s back this time around. 

I can’t very well pretend I don’t know him, but I really don’t want to be explaining that I’m in a LARP club to Penny in the middle of this bookstore, not in front of Baz. 

Fuck. 

I give Baz a pleading look which I’m sure only confuses him, based on the way his eyebrow arches up even more. I don’t know how to convey _“don’t tell Penny you know me from the Dragonknight campaign”_ with just my eyes. 

“I’m well acquainted with Simon, Bunce.”

I am well and truly fucked. 

“You two know each other?” Penny gives me a penetrating look. 

Baz keeps talking. “Yes, we’ve been--” but I interrupt him before he can say anything more. 

“He’s my ex.”

I have literally no idea why I said that. And there’s no taking it back, now that it’s out there. 

Two sets of eyes goggle at me, both of Baz’s eyebrows reaching for his hairline now. Penny looks scandalized. 

“Your what?” she asks. 

“My ex-boyfriend,” I clarify, literally begging Baz to go along with this with my eyes. I probably look like a gormless twat. _Just go along with it,_ I try to broadcast that thought across the two feet of space between us. 

“Your ex-boyfriend,” Penny says flatly. “How do I not know about this, Simon?”

Baz looks just as curious, but thank Christ he doesn’t say anything. 

“Oh, you now, summer romance, short-lived fling, gone but not forgotten.” I’m literally babbling. 

“Very short lived,” Baz says drily. “So short lived I’d be surprised if he had mentioned it, Bunce.” He’s smirking, the smug bastard. Arms crossed over his chest, that one fucking eyebrow mocking me now. 

“Yes, ah, you know, summer.”

“I’d say I don’t know at all, Simon.” Penny’s looking between us, the suspicion evident on her face. “Why don’t you fill me in. I’d love to hear about my best friend and my study partner getting together and me being none the wiser.” 

Baz is full on grinning now. “Yes, why don’t you tell her, Simon? Unless you’d rather I did?”

I think the fuck not. 

“Ah. Well. You know we met . . . ah . . . at the library.”

“What on earth were you doing at the library?”

What the fuck _was_ I doing at the library? I never go to the library and Penny knows that. 

Fuck. 

“Wasn’t that when your laptop was being wonky?” Baz chimes in. 

I scowl at him. Only one of us needs to be fabricating this tale and that someone is me. 

“At least that’s what I remember you saying, when you came in that night.” 

Bloody hell. 

“Uh, yeah. That’s what it was. Had to come in and do a lit search on premises.” 

“It’s a good thing I was working the desk that night,” Baz says, uncrossing his arms and sliding his hands into his jeans pockets. 

My eyes follow his hands down and keep going. 

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Baz in jeans before. Tunics? Yes. Majestic robes? Yes. 

Elegant, fitted jeans that are snug in all the right spots? Well, I’d remember seeing that before, is all I’m saying. 

I drag my eyes back up to his face. “Uh, yes, um, good thing.” 

I didn’t know he worked at the library. 

“Simon came in, just before closing time, with the idea that he was going to do a search and print it all out in mere minutes.” He’s really warming to the subject and I’ve lost control of this whole situation.

“Typical,” Penny says and I’m outraged. 

“What?” I sputter.

She nods her head at Baz. “He gave you those puppy dog eyes and that crooked little smile of his, didn't he?”

“Now, see here, I’m the one telling the story and–”

But Baz steamrolls right over me. “Oh, you know he did, Bunce.” He gives me a fond look that makes my face heat up. 

What’s he playing at? I rub at the back of my neck, feel the clammy sweat starting to form there. 

“Got you to do the whole thing for him, didn’t he?”

This is pure slander. I’m not going to stand for this. 

“I couldn’t resist his roguish charm.”

“Listen, now--”

Baz just keeps talking. “I had no idea he was such a shameless flirt.” He shakes his head at me and actually manages to look almost mournful, the lying bastard. “Charmed me, wined me, dined me. But once his laptop was functional and the research project complete, just a few short weeks later, he dumped me without a second thought.”

“Simon!” Penny’s glaring at me now. She’s bought his whole fabrication and I’ve got no one but myself to blame for this farce. 

“Just wait a bloody minute!” I yelp. 

Baz hunches his shoulders and lowers his head. “By text, no less.”

“Really, Simon, how could you?” Penny’s all righteous indignation, her hand coming to rest on Baz’s arm, eyes blazing as she rakes her gaze over me. “I go away for a few weeks and you not only manage to seduce my friend but then unceremoniously dump him by text? You know better than that. You were a bloody wreck when Agatha did that to you!”

And now she’s airing my entire sordid dating history to Baz in the middle of a bloody Foyles on a Thursday night and I’ve not even had dinner. This takes the biscuit, I swear to god. 

“Penny, listen, it was nothing like that, really, I swear.”

She’s got her arms crossed over her chest. “Then how was it, Simon?” Cold as ice. You’d think Baz was her best friend and confidant, not me. 

This is a fucking disaster. I’d have been better off telling her about the LARPing. 

I am going to tell her about the LARPing. It’s the only way out of this mess.

“Listen, Pen, I’m sorry. I thought you’d be upset I was wasting my time--”

“Wasting your time?” Baz interrupts. “Is that what you’re calling our two weeks, then?”

“That’s not what I meant!” I’m going to let a berserker just go by me and wreck Baz this week, I swear I am. Won’t even brandish my sword at him, I’ll just point him in Baz’s direction. It’d serve the bastard right. “Listen, Penny, I was going to tell you, but I was a bit embarrassed--”

“As well you should be, the way you behaved.” Penny interrupts me this time and I have reached my fucking limit. 

“Would the two of you let me finish one bloody sentence?”

Two expectant faces meet mine but I swear there’s a glint in Baz’s eyes and his lip quirks like he’s trying to keep himself from laughing. Arsehole. I may go after him myself this week, if he’s not careful. Go rogue. It’d be worth it, just to wipe the smug look off his face. 

He’s got his hair down tonight. I don’t know why I didn’t notice that earlier. He’s usually got it up when we’re–oh, fucking hell, why am I thinking about his hair right now?

“Ok, so let me finish what I’ve got to say or I swear to Christ I am going to go off.” Baz inclines his head and waves a hand at me in a _‘have at it’_ gesture. Penny frowns but holds her tongue. “So, while you were gone this summer I got a bit caught up in LARPing.”

“You did what?” Penny asks. 

“LARPing. Live action role play.” 

“Whatever for?”

“I don’t know. For something to do.”

“And why are you telling me this now?”

I pull at my hair and groan. “Because that’s how I met Baz. He’s not my ex. I’ve never gone out with him. I just made that all up, rather than tell you about the whole LARP business.”

“Why on earth would you concoct all that nonsense, Simon?” Penny’s looking completely perplexed but Baz has this cheeky grin, the absolute wanker. 

He’s got a dimple in his left cheek. 

Fuck. 

“Because I thought you’d be irritated. It’s not something that _serves a purpose_.”

“Why would I care what you do with your free time?”

Oh my fucking god. 

I give my hair another yank. “Aren’t you always telling me I should spend more time on my studies? Keep my social life a bit more contained?”

Penny has the audacity to _shrug._ “I’m not your keeper. If you need to swing a sword around to let off some steam, far be it from me to argue.” 

She turns to Baz and smacks him on the arm. “What were you thinking, going along with all this nonsense of his tonight? I’d not expect that kind of foolishness from you, Baz.”

Baz leans against a bookshelf and grins. “Let’s just say my curiosity was piqued, when he threw that ex comment out there. And you know how I love to spin a good story, Bunce. He certainly wasn’t going to pull one over on you by himself.” His eyes light on me and there’s something smouldering in the depths of them. Something I’d like to get a closer look at. 

“Well, you’re ridiculous, the both of you,” Penny says. “You deserve each other, honestly.” She shakes her head. “Anyway, I’m starved. It’s past time we went to dinner.” 

“Enjoy the rest of your evening.” Baz’s eyes never leave mine. “I’ll see you Friday then, Snow?” 

He used my LARPing alias. 

I liked it better when he was calling me Simon. 

Penny hooks her arm around his. “Come join us, Baz. Since you and Simon already know each other so well.”

He adjusts his book bag on his shoulder. “I suppose I could do with some dinner.”

Penny keeps her hold on his arm and leans back to look at me behind Baz’s back. 

And then she winks. 

I think I’m the one that’s been played. 

And when Baz’s knee knocks into mine as he squeezes into our booth at the pub I realise I don’t mind one bit.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> title from the song Little Secrets by Passion Pit
> 
> Penny's comment about friends is directly from ch 9 of Carry On


End file.
